dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize