So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize