The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It was like getting head from an anaconda
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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