i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
