Me too!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
