He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
