JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
