I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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