and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
