I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
