if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she woke up with a sticky ear
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I will be naked everywhere
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
