The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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