I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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