Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
