Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
