I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
