last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
