I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
