I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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