It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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