...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
