have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
