I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The power of my boobs compel you
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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