Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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