proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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