The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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