Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize