His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
