I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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