you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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