She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
