got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
false alarm, still single
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