We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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