absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
