im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Im part way to drunk.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize