Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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