i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
