But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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