Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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