i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
