: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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