I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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