if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
