the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
