so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
