Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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