Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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