2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
