It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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