Need sex. Gaining weight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
