Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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