I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
