How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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