last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
