I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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