The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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