I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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