I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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