I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
