im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
