Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
