It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
