remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
