you would pick up someone in the library
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
