I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
