sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
