oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
