Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
