My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He felt like a one man threesome
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
