It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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